Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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