Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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