he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
