Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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