i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
