...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
