just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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