I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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