Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
