where am i from again
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
