well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
