If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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