he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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