my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
