So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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