I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
