Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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