the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
