We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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