I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
