I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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