and i looked up. we had an audience...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
