I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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