Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My cat gives me a boner
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
