he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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