My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
