My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
