Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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