Swine flu. Run for my life!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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