i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
