i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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