you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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