I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
