I don't think brook has ever known best
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
