So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
