To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
