Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
