The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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