well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
