Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
