I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
false alarm. still invincible.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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