I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
