Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
