Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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