The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
