im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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