apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
