Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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