I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
