I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
