I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
