After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
