wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
