I think I am morally bankrupt
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
